Thursday, June 25, 2009

shitty day

(this blog totally just a purging of my shitty morning – have a drink and a joint for me if you’re going to read it)

it’s 10:06 a.m.
i’m sitting at my desk
at work

i feel overwhelmed right now

as more bad, shocking news propels my way, including the loss of my boss...well, for several months anyhow as she's off to another assignment....good news for her....bad/sad news for me...we're so close...we work so well as a team, her and i...same thought process, same detail-oriented, same organiziational skills, etc etc...fuck, we're awesome together! guess they'll all be relying on me when she goes since i'm the co-pilot of our whole team.

and on top of all that and other shit, let's just throw a potential fucking cold sore on it all, shall we?!? yup, that's what happens when i'm overstressed.

f u c k.

the tally of items on my already overflowing plate now being 8?

the smile i had earlier in the week quickly fading

so overwhelmed my eyes are tearing up

and i fucking hate that at work.
i hate that anytime.

because i’m not a whimp

i find myself juggling a whole shlew(?) of shit these days again which i’ll refrain from boring anyone with.

now, that’s a first…me not detailing all the shit :-)

it’s not that all of it is really bad shit……actually, only 1 of them is really difficult and worrisome yet not much i can do about it anyhow

they all add up quickly when they come at you one after the other and you haven’t even had time to catch your breath and deal with any of them.

fuck, it’s ironic that this stupid poppy kind-of-religious tune is playing right at the very moment that i’m battling my emotions and all the stuff that’s causing them to overflow.
stupid lyrics….
“Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air“I know I can count on you“Sometimes I feel like saying, "Lord, I just don't care"“But you've got the love I need to see me through….”

well, it’s all bullshit to me anyhow.
my constant, continuous battle with karma, the universe and the supposed existing “spirit” that gets us through everything.


yeah……that glory only happens for a privileged few.

proof? look how fucked up humanity and the world is.

a loud raucous HAHAHAHAHA……as i am rudely reminded a spiritual privilege never extended to me since conception of my lovely self.

(although i seriously still believe that i do have a cute little group of angels that does keep my ass in line…busy little ones, i tell ya)

of course I’m not trying to bash any spiritual folk out there…this has just been my own personal experience and battle.

i remain convicted in my statement: i have a permanent slot on God’s shit list.

avoiding the self-pity pool ‘cause that’s getting real fucking old, i often wonder, however, why, in my life (or others), negative shit that happens to us or our families literally dumps on you in droves like a monsoon of shit.

so you can barely breathe.

can’t these things be spaced out a little more evenly???

and, here’s another first…..

i’m actually not freaking out.
AND it’s PMS time.
i’m breathing through it.
staying calm.

and thinking…..

we’ll get through it…we always do.

thanks for listening ;-)


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