it's early....i'm on my way out soon to start my busy day
my bi-weekly day off.
i will be leaving in a bad state of mind.....
my heart races with uncontrollable fears
and a severly non-existent self-esteem
that feeling of worthlessness has bitten me in my ass again
and with more health issues that suddenly creeped into this aging cavity i call my body.
this morning i woke to a major fucking reality check
of my life
my worries that this would happen to me
are now a reality
a heartfelt 'i'm sorry' to......
but i can't explain
i'm nowhere near being a happy girl
as much as i hate to say it, maybe my ex is right....
i only put bandages on the issues in my life
and i don't allow anyone near enough to make me happy
despite my knowing, SHE (ex) did not allow me to be happy near the end
so i had to escape
and now i want to escape again
i just want to stay in my room and cry
i just want to fade away
i so wish i could