what a bitch she is....

yes, that one there....in the photo above

it's that time of the month again

in more ways than one

pms + full moon + stress + frustrations = clusterfuck of emotions

it's been - for the most part of my life - not the most positive or happy relationship we share....the moon and i

in fact, it can be downright damaging.

and has in past years...that's why this monthly phase oftentimes worries me. the gravitational pull of this magnificently beautiful yet potentially evil satellite of our universe never ceases to amaze the negative effects it has on my life...and others.

in previous years, when my own personal pms wars were stronger and more radically intense than now, the combo of pms @ the same time as the full moon turned me into something even i didn't recognize and scared the crap right out of my kids.

my body shudders at the memories of those times and my completely irrational, downright fucking scary behaviour :-(

i'm not quite that bad anymore...thankfully. but it still has nasty effects on me...

emotional rationale fly out the proverbial window, my body goes into 24hr defense mode, i'm tense as hell, i can't sleep more than a couple of hours during the night...if i do wake for any reason forget going back to sleep, i cry at just about anything, i become argumentative as hell, and every little thing that normally doesn't bother me too much, turns into a full blown annoyance which sends me into sheer pissy mood and i feel like punching or kicking something - my need for fight and flight becomes my constant

and it's not just me...i see the change in others around me and i definitely see the change in the general population...holy shit

about 3 days prior to and then during the full phase of its existence, people in general become more fucked up than usual.

you see it in their eyes, you hear it in their irrational conversations and arguments with you on the phone or one-on-one, in-your-face disrespect and rudeness are their initial reactions, the % of road rage increases dramatically, auto-related accidents increase, and the list goes on.

9 out of 10 people i speak to can relay some story or incident for them related to the full moon.

that's so fucked up.

sometimes i feel like we are mere little chess pawns to be moved around at will by the universe we live in...that doesn't allow for a safe, comfortable feeling

then again, in today's world, when can we ever feel safe and comfortable?

i don't have a positive answer for that.