a “wtf???” moment...

gawd, just freakin’ shoot me and put me out of this perimenopause b.s. misery!

this is insane...i am NO longer the person i used to be

it’s driving me crazy...

i’m now this blithering, sappy, wimpy thing

that cries at anything...everything

everything that’s said to me is taken on the defensive and sends me into cry-baby mode

kinda hard to maintain my hard-ass reputation these days when everything brings on the waterworks

poor Wifey...doesn’t know wtf to do with me these days...walking on eggshells ‘cause She never knows which of my U.S.ofTara personalities is going to come at Her

nobody warns you about this shit

oh, yeah, you hear stories but no one ever tells you how difficult the journey into the next phase of your life is actually going to be

and then there’s my mom...breezed through the whole damn shit with nothing but hot flashes

f*ck...really??

i see the ‘easy menopause’ skipped a freakin’ generation and hit me square in the female kahunas (#3).

so, ladies, if you haven’t already hit the messy phase of your life, take a deep breath and get ready to ride a tsunami wave of hell if your family genes are so predisposed...

and for those of you who haven’t or won’t experience this hell, fuckin’ hats off to ya! consider yourself one of the few lucky ones

random gripe & whine time...pay no attention

‘cause no one else does...

is it the weather?? freakin’ clouds & rain & snow...wtf is snow still doing here???
is it the month?? blah, March
is it the hormones?? blah, perimeno time
is it the asshole rude, cold people of this glorious city we’re doomed to live in??
is it life in general??

or is it just all of the above??

i’m feeling really...really...blue these days

more than just blue...i hate myself

there’s nothing i like about myself anymore

if this is the onset to menopause, fuck, it’s going to be a long nasty ride

honestly
my self-esteem is non-existent...

i feel stupid
and fat
and ugly

i snore now, too
enough that one of us, sometimes, has to sleep in the spare bedroom

my brain doesn’t work anymore
i can’t process a simple thought
never mind trying to pass any upcoming tests for work competitions

i’m having heart problems
hopefully only a simple arrhythmia
or is that ever a simple thing?

the nether regions have decided to do some nasty shit to me the last few months
huh, you can imagine what that does to our sex life :-(
never mind the toll it continues to have on my body

and then lets add a fallen bladder, onset of leg/foot swelling and old, grey, uber-short hair cut to that scenario
oh, wow, aren’t i just a fucking joy to be with

so...
when another dyke blatantly goes after my wife, repeatedly
or when long-standing friends continuously whine about growing my blonde curlies back
or when a simple task such as looking into the mirror and feeling disgust at the image back,
all kinds of ugly rear their heads inside of me
and further bashes the non-existing self-esteem

is it possible to go into a self-esteem credit balance???

gawd, if that’s the case, it’s going to take a long time to go from red to black

last year...it was a not-too-shabby year...

i turned 50, an age i wasn’t (until now) afraid of
i got married to the most amazing fucking woman in the world
we got our first house together
we formed a nuclear new family together, including “Boy” and “Dog”
and, overall, i felt fairly ok healthwise

and then it all just fell to shit
for me, anyhow

i’ll be 51 this year – a year i’m not happy about so far
i’m still married to the most amazing fucking woman in the world
love our house, hate our asshole neighbors who don’t know what “respect” and “peace &
quiet” are as their little asshole rugrats run/jump/pound all freakin’ day
long!
our family is now sadly missing one of the nuclear...our “Dog”...rest peacefully, Beezie
Girl - xoxo
“Boy” really needs to get his life going...get a job, get a girlfriend, get away from PS3!
(i love him to no end, but, come-the-fuck-on...dude, it’s time!)
and
overall, i feel worse, physically-emotionally-mentally, than a piece of shit stuck on the bottom of a shoe

i thought a good, short hair style would help me feel better...yes, i love my cut but now i’ve got a great style on a stupid, fat, ugly body

wifey doesn’t understand why i say “NO photos on FB!”

i really have no right to bitch & whine like this
the outside perimeter of my life isn’t too fucking bad at all
especially with wifey by my side

it’s the inside perimeter i’m worried about
the inner turmoil and struggle to like myself again

my brainage is still intact enough to know that this comes from no one else but
me

i just don’t know how

where to grasp the resources from since there are no resources to grasp from

btw...as i’m eating my sinful side of chips with my salmon sammie...save yourself some $$ and do NOT buy Sun Chips, Farmhouse White Cheddar flavour...fuck yuck

Baby...

"Lucky"

It was a monday, when my lover told me,

"never pay the reaper with love only."

What could i say to you, except, "i love you."

And "i'd give my life for yours."

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones, dear.

The first time we made love, i... i wasn't sober.

(and you told me you loved me over and over!)

How could i ever love another, when i miss you every day...

Remember the time we made love in the roses?

(and you took my picture in all sorts of poses!)

How could i ever get over you, when i'd give my life for yours.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones, dear.

My dear, It's time to say i thank god for you.

I thank god for you in each and every single way.

And, i know... i know.. i know.. i know...

It's time to let you know. time to let you know.

Time to let you know. time to sit here and say...

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones, dear.

We are the lucky ones, dear...